An open letter to Amma

Dear Amma,

It has been 10 years since I walked out of your institution and the beliefs after the images you created in me shattered pathetically. You have always been a kind, generous and a huge embodiment of love and affection for me. I have learned quiet a few things about life from your disciples, including one of the smartest disciples who left you long back. Now when Gail aka Gayatri comes out with allegations against you, I wish to say a few things to you.

This letter is personal and completely from the emotional ups and downs I have been going through during the past few days. I have always had an opportunity to be grown up and cuddled by people who are great souls like you.  In Bhagavad Geeta I have learned, "the one who is not scared by the world around and who never scares the world around, who is free from anxiety is the perfect devotee" (Chapter 12, Verse 15). In this context, you being known as the hugging saint and the preacher of love and devotion, should listen to wise, rather than those greedy ones around you.

As far as I am told, or have seen, you follow Bhakthi Marga or the Path of Devotion, one among the many ways to attain salvation and enlightenment. In this path there are no rules and there have been many pious souls who have followed this way to attain enlightenment. They are named as the Bhakthas of Gods with different names.

There are chances that one may become hysteric and completely out of control due to blind devotion. This stage is totally different from enlightenment. Hysteria is a kind of psychological disorder which needs to be corrected.

The so called Bhakthas who have followed the ways of devotion were not multi-millionaires or was never looked upon as a source of money. But here a teacher or Guru herself has come out with a statement that "My ashram is an open book". Now I have a serious doubt as to why a Sadhu should own an Ashram. Remembering an old story.

A man went to Himalayas to become a Sanyasi. He was detached by the worldly needs and materialistic desires. He stays in a small hut with two pairs of dresses. One night a rat takes away one of his dresses. The villagers advice him to grow a cat at home. The cat comes, the rat goes. Now the cat needs milk. The villagers advice to grow a cow. The cow comes, cat is happy. Now cow needs grass, the villagers advice to grow some grass. The grass comes, the cow is happy. Now to take care of the grass, the cow, the cat, the rat and his dresses, he needs a help. So he gets married to a girl. Thus is the cycle of Karma.

The story is relevant here because a girl in her twenties from the coastal village of Kerala was exactly like the man who was detached and in the path of devotion, some 20 years back. Then came disciples, then ashram, then branches of ashram, then brahmasthana temples, then money, then greed, then filthy attitudes and now she is entangled in the spring of materialistic desires and worldly needs.

You embrace Krishna Bhava & Devi Bhava and i have seen you many a times in attires so costly and so beautiful. I have seen you eating fish, when you advice others to follow vegetarianism. Isn't that a known fact that you own so much of money and the whole family members of yours share a good profit through you? I am not blaming you because I am much aware of the fact that you are just a puppet. And as you know I walked out of your home of love when we had a heated argument on people beloved and your stand against them. You have pathetically degraded yourself to the one who is tuned to dance, being screwed by many for personal benefits.

In spite of a past where I was cuddled and grown up by the people around you and by yourself, I am unable to digest the fact that you blamed Gayatri as a selfish lady who has scribbled some rubbish out of personal revenge. Those who are around you sound like vultures who are ready to pounce upon those who protest. I remember you saying, "the world is one. All of them, even the enemies should be loved". You have always taught me to chant the mantra, "Lokah Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu" which means "let the whole world be happy and content". If that's the fact why does the people around you say that Christians are trying to malign you and your establishments to hinder you from receiving Nobel Peace Prize? Are you a piece of human embodiment which is designed to win some prizes? Aren't you a much better soul? Can't you be more sensible like before? Why does my dearest Swamis behave like immature angry men?

The media has snubbed you. Not just once, but many a times in the recent past. But still I have a frail memory of you being surrounded by police or any other security. Why do you need a security? whom are you scared of? The world around or yourself? Why do you fear death when you know any man born attains death and the soul changes the body like one changes his dress? If you are in the path of devotion and love, why can't you forgive Gayatri for her allegations? Why can't you make peace with her?

You have done 100 good things, but a 1000 bad deeds takes away the beauty of all those good deeds and makes you the villain. As a woman do you think, a lady will simply say that she was brutally raped and abused? Isn't that an understatement against the women of these times?

I was never a devotee of yours, I was always your kid who has got a good share of your love. When the world believes that you are bad, I think you are trapped and completely controlled by demons who have no idea about the beauty of love and spirituality.

I have tears in my eyes when I type this letter. I want that Amma who used to sing with me, laughed at my small dramas and hugged me with all love. I want to see that Amma who wasn't so greedy and stupid. I want that disciples of yours who were not influenced by anybody and had spines to take decisions. I hope that days comes back soon.

You were good. You were pious. But that was long back, long ago. Now you are just like many other greedy, filthy souls. You are an establishment. There is no soul in you. Please do change. I hope this letter reaches you. People around talks bad about you and in the past, in our epics we have read about a Ratnakaran who transformed to Valmiki and pronounced, "Ma Nishada". Its high time you come out and pronounce the same. I wish to see you back as an Amma whom I met 23 years back; so innocent, so pious.

Lots of love

Anjana

The Wooden Desk Tales - The Nutmeg tree, A bird and Few Berries!

The Wooden Desk is a nostalgia. Its a memory with a smile. There was one at my home too, near the window which opened to a fruit bearing nutmeg tree. The yellow fruit that hid a red seed inside it. The perfect color shades which merged with the green, differently shaped leaves. The tree had squirrels running around. 

Somewhere near a trunk which kissed the mulberries next to it, I found a small bird's nest. A little me who roamed around that area lately found out that the bird has gone far away. The nest looked cute and it had two small eggs in it. All I could do was to help the little bird with some mulberries and raspberries. I believed that birds won't eat seeds. So I took of the seeds from the berries. 

After few days there were small birds inside the nest. A happy me gave them mulberries too. They didn't even touch it. But sooner they paid visits at my window sill and heard the first drafts of my never-written stories. One fine day, I saw the mother bird shooing away the children. I asked my mother whether she will do the same when I grow up. She hugged me and said, "You will be always mine. But the mother bird has to shoo them away since their school is far away. Also they are lazy kids."

I believed it and still feel the same. The schools at home which is created by parents teach you things which a classroom can't teach. This series is dedicated to those lessons. The lessons I learned from the wooden desk tales. :)

Amma.. I love you.. Moments of desperation..

There was a time when we were together...When i held you close to me.. When our tears had same reasons.. Our smiles of joy made people envious..There was nothing called, 'you' and 'me'..It was just us and we were happy for a blooming flower or seeing a cuckoo's nest..

But today, we are far, and distances laugh at our plight..Our tears have same reasons, but there is no smiles of joy..No envious eyes around..I know it's destiny's game, so lame. Still I am in the pursuit of happiness which we lost in this trail.. We fight because we love each other. Nothing on this whole earth can separate us. We may have tough times which we go through right now.. But this is not the end.

I believe in you, like you believe in me. A day will come when we are just on top of the world. 

One day we will be together again.. Till then I repeat just one line.. Amma I love you...

Amma, I love you...

Dear Amma,

In the past 26 years, I have never spent a day away from you.  We were more like friends. We cooked together, went for shopping, cried and consoled each other when we landed up in troubles, wrote poems and stories and appreciated each other and made pranks, grew plants and much more. I can't write the whole 26 years in one post. Hence I decided to write one by one. 

First I have to thank you Amma for inspiring me to become a writer, for cherishing my dreams. The first story happened in the bedroom of our ancestral house where I was forced into a general knowledge book which had two plain pages at the end of it. I was preparing for PCM scholarship, though I never touched the winning score. :) 

Suddenly I saw my neighbor walking around from my window and I could easily spot her from my royal cot. The cot was so royal that it was used by my great grandparents, my grandparents, my parents and of course me. That was the first time I decided to write a story. To get down from the cot looked like a hazardous job for me. Hence I decided to write my story behind the general knowledge book. Yes! Hurray I did it. 

The story was about how a not-so-friendly-neighbor helped when a thief break into our house while all smiling neighbors stood away. I was happily writing over the 'general knowledge' questions like "who was the first lady prime minister of India?" and alike. Suddenly you came to my room. 

"What are you doing?"
"Writing a story Amma", my voice withered when I said so.
"Give, let me see". 

You read the whole story and gave me two good papers to copy it.  You could have punished or beaten me. You didn't. We both went to the post office to send it. You pretended as if you don't know how to post a letter. That was the first story which got published in 'Balvihar', a children's magazine by Chinmaya Mission.  And unknowingly your pretension helped me lead a better life now. Though the scholarships never happened, both of us were glad that there is a published story of mine to cherish the past. 

That book still lays somewhere in the corner of our library with the pencil marks in it. Yes, indeed you are the best Amma. I love you..

Love
Anju. 


PS: This post is dedicated to all mothers around the world who stay away from their children. Thanks to the technology.  

In Another city - Happy birthday to me!

For the first time in the past 25 years, I am celebrating a birthday in another city, away from home. I''ve always had the strange feeling of why people celebrate the day they become another year old. But I like cake (baked by Amma), payasam and Sadya. So  I celebrate. 

Google's birthday wish & lovely cakes! :P

Like many other years the passing year was eventful and full of surprises. So this year the biggest surprise is that I am celebrating my birthday in another city. And along with me, this blog too celebrates its first birthday. So Happy birthday my dear Blog!

There are few good things I developed in the past year. To accept criticism, To accept people with less brains, to accept the comments even if it hurts. Yes, Acceptance is something you can never buy from somewhere. It has to happen. Chennai showed me how life looks when you live alone in the crowd. It taught how good life can be! Chennai always gave me a feel that I am loved, cared and pampered. 

From the morning stroll in the hostel to the busiest roads to power cuts to fabulous colleagues to a happy office, I loved every single expression of Chennai. The sun sometimes was so cruel in summer to make me sick. The rains kissed like a lover and cured the illness. The buses were like jampacked suitcases where tickets are passed from one hand to another. The auto (aato as we Chennaiites say) burnt pockets. Month ends looked longer and salary days passed in a wink. Curd rice tasted better than any other food when the heat cramped the stomach. Became a non-vegetarian.

Websites looked like a group of codes with images and google looked like a boss with disgrace. Learnt to write some 'awesome' content for websites and looked upon with surprise at the e-commerce websites. Few unknown clients who had child labors (to understand this term perfectly, you have to be an employee of my company) at office who learnt more by talking than from books. Colleges looked more beautiful and charming from outside. Last, but not least, Have friends more than my fingers (read it as countless). And yes, this birthday is gifted by watching my golden fish, Thangameenkal, soon to be released in theaters. 

This is how I summarize the past year! Hope the life in this city, Chennai, never disappoints me...Smiles to the world!

In Another City - The 'O' mystery

So Chennai has this fascinating beaches, great night life and the unlimited freedom to travel anywhere alone at anytime. But it all started to make a sarcastic smile as soon as the alphabet 'O' became a mystery!

In Chennai, there is nothing which starts with 'O' in English. For them, its 'Aa' and the better you say it, the better you are one among them. In Kerala, we used to say auto, omelet and office with a stress on 'O'. But Chennai never understands this  'O'. From day 1 till here,I have been teased by my colleagues, friends and room mates for saying Otto, Omelet or Office.

Sooner or later the 'O' mystery got out of me and I started saying Aatto, Aamlete or Aaffice. Yes, Chennai changes you in the way it wish and not the other way around. Just laugh at the change twice and you'll find yourself amidst the bustling crowd in Ranganathan Street or the busy Thyagaraja Nagar. Yes, you're among them. The one who says Vadai instead of Vada, Dosai instead of Dosa with less confusion. Each time, I say AA instead of O, i used to wonder who was that fine person who hated O and what was the crime O did to him!

So to the aatos, aamletes and aafice, I love Chennai!! :) :)

In Another City - Introducing Chennai!

I am not sure whether living in another city brings out the poet in you! But yes, Chennai has always brought out the best in me! From a kid to a student to a MNC employee to an assistant director to a copywriter, it had seen various faces of mine! So starting a new series, about the life in another city. The new insights it gives, the stories it offers, cuisines i fell in love, the perspectives it changes and the lessons it taught, also about the good friends and the bad foes it threw at me! 

Here's what I had in mind when I moved in here, few months back. The journey from a jobless, shabby and lazy life to a routine, normal, professional employed life, is filled with stories. Those which I noted down in a diary will turn out to a book some day. But yes, writing a diary for more than three months itself is a surprise for me. Hence thanks to Namma Chennai!

When the crystal images shatter,
The dawn stared at her,
When the attires loosen its ends,
Life is at a brim.
Sway, Sway and it sways,
In a direction unknown,
 

And she stares back,
With less hope,
To see a bright sun,
At the closed window sill,
In a city that never sleeps.
No rules, No discipline, No love
 

Lusty eyes haunt,
Priorities points at wealth,
Deteriorated, she walks out
To the red carpets in hell

And again life is at a brim.

The hues of light reached her,

To make the lightest of the

Sober, Soft and Serene touch.

Tickled, she turns back,

Just to see, life in a brim.

Again, again, again,

Once again, try,

Told the wise,

She tried once, twice,

And till the stare followed,

No more trials,

Life is not a friend,

To offer the best,

Troll till you die,

Strive till you breathe,

Thrive till you sweat,

But still you'll see,

Life is at a brim!

Ms.CEO - Of Faces and Phases

A normal office day began with 'what to do today' lessons by Anand and ended up with 'what not to do' lessons by Meera. Arathi never understood why she developed a hatred towards Meera when there are umpteen reasons to hate others. By the time she got her first salary, there were lot of familiar faces inside the office. Her lunchtime company extended to Networks manager Unni, Gokul and Dhanya from accounts and Nisha. There were laughter and noises like a school and she began to like the office in spite of all the boring lessons and complaining customers. Day by day there was a certain level of confidence that developed in her. Now she know the name and number of the electric posts through which 'Net Data Line' cables passed. She could memorize numbers so easily which made her a "how do you do it?" person among the other girls who did her same job. She knew that the modems can be installed in a customer space if and only if it was registered at "KNOCK". Till the moment she saw a mail from NOC which is the short form of Network Operating Center, she believed that the modems were "knocked" from sides by a machine which can automatically register the modem numbers. Thus she was almost thorough with the process and people.

Though she got attached to the office, the place where she sat still looked like a big waste basket. Initially she counted the boxes, then the tables, unused broken chairs and other storage spaces. The whole boxes was a convenient home for many cockroaches and mosquitoes besides the unused application forms and brochures in striking colors. As she moved it to one side, all of them fell down together, scattering the forms all over and inviting Shekar to the cubicle.Rejoy and Nisha too joined her. Thus with some time and effort they turned it out as an office. The scattered application forms were numbered and filed, old brochures found its place at a common dumping area and the cubicle had a fresh look. But the phone calls had the same dialogue to say and the power cuts were more frequent.

By this time it was June and rains started to hit the lives of people inside in an absolutely bad way. One fine morning, Shekar came in with the news that Vice president is coming in to check the office. All of them felt like a Tsunami hitting the office. K.N as he is called, was said to be an IIM product with less ears and a mouth full of words which meant bastard! Arathi was asked to keep the register up to date, her daily call sheets to be presented on Shekar's table by afternoon and to keep the filled application forms out of sight.

During lunch, Unni came in with a smile and said, "Tomorrow there is a special show by K.N here. He will make you cry with his looks."

"Why me? I am the last one to meet him, there is Anand, Shekar and all others. After all i am a contract staff. I will resign if he embarrass me. Mind it!!" Arathi said it in spirit. But unfortunately the next day she was the first one who was called. He asked about the less number of calls at month ends and in almost all days.

She stood like "Mary had a little phone and that phone rang all the day". All she could say was, "As you say sir. I will make calls from today." With she completing that sentence, the power went off and there was a killing silence inside the room.

"So what were you doing all these days? why didn't you make calls?" He asked again, this time in a higher tempo.

"Sir, I come here in the morning. then the phone will be engaged as the cable team and others will be making calls. Then by ten, customers who have lost connection will start calling. After answering them and asking them to call the customer care, when i make a call to a customer, they simply kill me over the phone for our poor services of TV connection. then like this power goes off and the phone is dead. Please tell me how to make calls from a dead phone."She expressed all her helplessness.

K.N was silent for a moment and then all she could hear was, "Dong Ding Tang ting dum, bum" and finally "get out". she walked back to the cubicle where she could see faces raising from the accounts and other departments. She smiled and muttered, "It was just a round, more to come". The executives from all nearby places were called up the next day and they came up with registers, sheets and books. Then again there was bomb blasting inside K.N's room and later he was seen out terrible and irritated.

He came up the cubicle and asked aloud, "how do you manage to sit here without power? Don't we have generators?" With that he walked near Unni who said, "generators don't work and we haven't got new ones". Everyone expected a bomb blast, but nothing was heard. K.N left the office this time with a warning that, "The killer  will be back in another few days". Shekar shared a common relief with his sub ordinates.

Next day, a new face, a handsome guy, gave her a warm welcome to the office with a good morning wish. She too wished him back. He just said, "I am from Head Office." Arathi had an anxiety to know who he was, but there was nobody in her department to ask. She got into her work and could see her being noticed by the H.O. guy.

"Hey Rohan, when did you come?" It was Rejoy who broke the silence.

"O, an hour back. But she was a very bad company" He said looking at her.

"She don't know you and K.N was here yesterday. Probably BDM and Anand will be on leave today. And she is Arathi, our new complaint recorder.Arathi, this is Rohan, he is from NOC."

She literally wanted to drool down into the earth and kill Rejoy at that moment. How dare he call her a complaint recorder when her profile is Telemarketing & Customer Relations Executive. Though what he said is true to the core, she didn't want the 'handsome' guy to know it. Then when she raised her eyes from the phone, she could see Rohan sitting in front of her.

"So how do you record complaints? let me see." he said with a smile.

She wanted to say something, but there was a road block inside the throat. Voice was not coming out."Hope you are not deaf & dumb" he was provoking.

"Nnn...Oo "I was not ok after the meeting with K.N. he literally threw me down. Sorry, what did you ask?" She somehow managed to ask.

"He does that every time, but he is the most respected officer in this company and the most paid one. I was just kidding. Do you get that many complaints?" he eased the situation paving her some room to talk.

She was well equipped to face any question from anyone soon after joining here. But there was something special or wrong with this guy. His looks were haunting and she wanted to avoid a conversation. With less interest she said, " i am into sales, but all i hear is the abuse from poor customers".

"Can I help you for a day?" That was an offer,  she couldn't reject. He called up a number from the list even before she could say a word and spoke to the customer.

The loudspeaker was on and she could hear from the other end, "Your connection is good just inside your office. please keep it with you. I still have that useless modem with me. if you can sell it for a good price and compensate the loss i had, i will be happy. don't call me again with any offers." She skipped her giggle with a cough. But his face was still calm and cool. He took the next number, called the next prospect and repeated the whole dialogue. Then the answer was, "we don't have a computer. then why do we need a net connection?".

Rohan said, "this place is not right. Your database is not prospective. You need to change it and give a try. Take some numbers from the BSL website. (BSL is the telephone department of government). Sort it out by area and then make calls. Even if you don't do it, I liked the way you escaped your smile and handled me. I will be back in the evening. Hope you get some connections by then." He walked out of the cubicle leaving behind a confused Arathi.

The day was good and there was ten connections in her kitty. That was the first time she got these much connections in a day. Unni credited K.N for that, but for her it was Rohan's advice. By evening he was back in the office and she pretended as if she is busy with calls. He checked the register and said aloud, "why don't you give Arathi a big hand? she has ten connections today." Everyone raised there heads to see her. There was a stillness for a moment and then she could hear the word of appreciation. He came near and shook her hands for a while and said, "well done".and there was a "thank you" from her side which he never heard.

As she walked out from the office, there was a call from behind and that was Rohan."I was just waiting for you." Walking along he asked, "Do you stay nearby?" "yes".

"i will be leaving tonight.9860802050..this is your number right? I will give you a missed call. save my number. will give you a call sometime soon. Just wanted to tell you something, you look pretty". "Thanks" that is all she could say.

While sitting inside the auto on that rainy eve, she was happy for all the reasons, for the ten connections, for the apprecaition from colleagues and lastly for the "you look pretty" from Rohan. after all she was a girl at teens!

To be continued....

Ms. CEO - First day First show!

19th, that was the day of joining. Arathi took up all the papers, certificates, mark lists etc and obviously her letter of appointment. She made a prayer, "As I am joining at the end of the month, please don't delay my first salary as I have promised Hanuman a vadamala on the 6th of next month." She made some smiling exchanges to all the Gods and got down to join there.

There were almost all the staff in the office by 9 am.

That was the first time she saw the whole office in lights. Everyone looked busy and none of them even noticed her. She reached the end of the office where she met Anand. It was then she noticed that the cubicle has no ventilation. There were lots of boxes which was filled and over flowed with papers. it didn't look like a part of that office. She was forced to believe that it was the place where the whole office waste were dumped in boxes. 

As she stood near the entrance of the cubicle, Anand walked in and asked her to sit inside. He introduced her to Nisha, who was the accountant and the person who temporarily handled her post. She was a lean and tall lady with a smile not so good on her face. She handed over a phone to Arathi and said, "you can use only this phone. Don't attend any complaints in this phone. Ask them to call on the customer care number, 2723223 or 2723222.. Don't answer any unnecessary calls. When inquiries come in, you need to describe them the plan. Here it is, for 99 rs you get 50MB and for 199, 100MB, 399 is an unlimited plan. But don't say that we have a 99rs plan to anyone. Promote unlimited more " and she handed over an yellow pamphlet which said the plans.

"Now this is the directory and this is the data I collected. You need to make calls, write it here with the response." Nisha woke up from the seat and moved to a system. Arathi stared for a moment, at the paper in hand and phone on the table. She shifted to the chair where Nisha sat earlier and looked around. A man was sitting behind her cubicle. He smiled at her. When she was suppose to give a smile, Anand called her, "Arathi, come here..Will give you the target of this month. "

Even before she could say a word, he handed over another paper, a book and a register. so now she had a table, a phone, a pamphlet, a book and a register which is going to be her world. She opened the shelves of her table to see another replica of the cardboard boxes inside the cubicle. There were umpteen forms, filled, half filled, some torn and others unused. she picked up one and tried to read it. It was a three page form in yellow, pink and white. The yellow was the first and all others were separated by carbon copies.  It was the registration form for new users. She stood up and walked near Nisha with that piece of paper in hand and asked, "what is this? How do we use this?"

"Who asked you to take that form? You must not open that table. It is mine and i keep my bag there. If you want, you can use that table"she pointed out to the table at the other end where Anand sat.

But I asked you about this form?" Arathi repeated.

"Oh that's the registration form. You can take new ones from that boxes. Not this one. These are all my connections and it comes to my credits and my salary."

"What's the number of that phone?"

"3240900"

That's a fancy number. Arathi thought. She dialed her number first and checked whether the number is same on the mobile. It is. She began to sit and read the pamphlet, the book, the register and the target sheet. All she could understand is that each month she must reach a target of 10. Anything after that will make her more rich and for that these papers and book will help. The register had uneven columns, untidy pages and different hand writings. The register was named Connection register in a dirty handwriting with a red marker. She flipped the pages to see some letters which made no sense other than nonsense. It had name, address, connection and "remake". What is this remake? She had less courage to ask that to Nisha. She looked around again. The people who sat next to Nisha was Rejoy and Meera. They were busy attending calls and another phone was ringing there continuously. None of them noticed. She again looked back and smiled at the person who sat there.

She saw in his table a small name board which said Regional Finance Executive, Harikumar. E. They exchanged a Hi and as she turn around, the phone was taken away by a tall and masculine guy who tried not to look at her.

"Rinesh, she is our new tele caller." Nisha said to him. He passed a smile and said, "All the best".

Whenever Nisha mentioned about her, Arathi could see a grudge on her face for some reason. All others sat as if she is a nobody in the office. It was around 11.30 by then. A lady came in with tea and she served tea to all inside except Arathi. Then again, Nisha took the initiative to introduce Arathi. Then turning to Arathi she said, "come let us have tea".

There was a small corridor which led to the lunch room where hardly five people can sit at a time. She wondered how the sixty people who worked there had lunch in an hour. As she returned to the cubicle, Amith was seen. "Oh, Hi, I forgot that you are joining today. Had some work outside. Got settled?" He asked in his usual careless way.

"Yups, somewhat. Which is your place?"

"I belong to that section, not here." He said as he pointed out to another big cubicle where there were lots of phone, people and sound. "See you in the evening.Bye". He left the cubicle.

Back to the table, she saw all her 'property' safe and untouched. She stared at the 'remake' heading to understand that they meant 'remarks'. She corrected it with her new fancy green pen which she bought the other day.

She was reading and learning the whole plans in a way so that she can start working from the afternoon. At Lunch time she met some more girls in her profile who work in Amith's section. They surprised her by saying their achievements and told her that the boys in the office are not good and she should be careful about her manager. All she could return was a smile.

She picked up the data which Nisha gave her and took the phone to make a call. The first number was of a Col. Sunder Pandey. She made the call. A very old man picked the call from the other side.

"Hello good afternoon Sir, I am Arathi, calling from Net Data line. Can I talk to you now.?" she asked very politely.

"Ohh.at last you called. You know I lost my connection two days back. Still not reinstated. where are your people? Is this the way you treat customers? Where is that lady who promised to sent me someone with a new modem?"

He was lashing out in anger. Arathi couldn't even say a word. Before she could say anything, he disconnected the call saying,"Dirty bastards".

She sat with a lost breath for a moment. Then walked near the customer care people and said, " I called Col. Sunder Pandey for a new connection and he said his connection is lost since two days.." Before she could complete, Meera asked, "are you here to support us or create more troubles. Why did you call him? Who asked you to do that?"

"Nisha gave me the list and I called for new connection. Never knew that he had one." She tried to clear her innocence.

"Arathi, what are you doing with the customer care? Show me what have you done till now?" That was Shekhar, the BD manager.

"Sir, I was learning the plans. then checked out these register and list. I made a call and he said, his connection is lost since two days. Thought to inform it here. That's it." Arathi told as she walked back to her table.

He checked the list, turned to Nisha and said, "all these people have connections. This is for you to call, not for her".

Nisha gave a furious reddened look to Arathi.

"Now start calling from a new list" He instructed Arathi and went out.

There was a silence till a boy came in saying, " Colonel's problem was not modem, his power switch was off". Everyone burst out into laughter. Arathi couldn't hold on. She smiled as she thought "Dirty Bastards" !!

She saw Nisha getting up and nearing her.

"Sorry". Arathi said.

"Oh! It was a confusing day. You will be alright by tomorrow. Now go home". She said like a school teacher.

That first day after the first show, Arathi walked out of the office with names and faces she is going to bear for the coming days!!!

To be continued...

Those were the days...

Days come and go
Some stay
Some boring
Some interesting
Some others stinks
But still we think
Those were the days!

Thus the precious days
Bound us in numbers
Question us in facts
Threaten us in memories
But still we think
Those were the days!

Memories filled with days
Dates, Numbers and Events
Good or Evil, they stay
To occupy the space
But still we think
Those were the days!

Life, the hurt butterfly
Strives to move on
Through these days
For a better luck
But still we think
Those were the days!

The last day will come
To take away them
The Memories and Past
To the land of Death
But then they think
Those were our days!

Thus came the wish!

A few months back, as said by the vegetable vendor Mohanettan, I peeped into my neighbor's green gate to check for a man named Ramaswamy. I expected a middle aged stout man who can clear the courtyard, but the man who greeted me looked old. There was a guilt arising inside and I asked very politely, "Can you please come and help me to clean the place?" He gave a nod, saying yes. Next day morning around 7.30 , this young - old man came home with his very own dagger and started his work. I got down to help him and he gave a serious grunt and said, "Move aside! I am doing this same job since thirty five years. I did the same when your grand uncle was here. No need of your help."                        

So that was how I know him. He lived in the one room outhouse of my neighbor, broom their courtyard at five in the morning, watered their plants, guarded their house, brought vegetables for them and smiled innocently whenever we met. He told me his story like many other Tamil migrant laborers have told before. He was from Royalpet in Tamil Nadu. Thirty five years back he came for work to Kerala. Then his family was in Madras. But sooner, as he said, came the tall buildings with boxes that gave jobs to many and our house was demolished by the government people. "They gave us 1000 rs", he said with an unforgettable grin. "Then I took them here, my wife and four children. My wife died some eight years back. " 

Now he lives in Calicut with his four sons working as laborers. I was supposed to complete the story. But every morning a man came and took money from him. Next time Ramaswamy came home, I casually asked about his sons. He said, "my three sons are happily married. But my youngest boy was a drug addict, now recovering. still he is not normal. So i give him money for food every day, a forty rupees.  He is married and have a son. My grandson is in tenth standard this year. He will pass and I go and meet him once in a month. I get a salary of 2000 rs every month and when i go for labor like these they too pay me well." I was taken aback. My neighbor's home is not just a home. It's a bungalow and for the money they pay, nobody will stay and do all these jobs. He has no complains, "i don't have money to find a home. here i can sleep with less worries." He never said, "they are exploiting me."

May be this is the reason why my garden has plenty of flowers, plantains have plenty of bananas and all the trees are just happy! He loves his work, so does the plants. He hate it when I leave them behind for days. He can't just stand the injustice humans do to nature. Why do man cut all the trees, he asks angrily. 

Today evening when he came, I asked whether his grandson passed the exam and he replied in his usual innocent smile, "Good to know you passed the exam. Now you have to go to college, lle?"I smiled and said yes. It was the wish from a man who inspires me every day. I didn't want to explain and say, "no i am asking about your son." I loved his wish which has nothing to do with me right now. Why should I spoil his mood saying, I passed my tenth some years back! I love this wish that came late and with a special smile. 

He has no sandals, no power glasses to read, no mobile, not even a cycle. But he has passed the most difficult exam. There are many who complains about a lost past. This man is in no hurry. He has little time to complain and more time to entertain. 

A man, in his seventies earn money to look after his grandson. Yet he smiles at his problems and greets the fortune called LIFE. 

Not every man can be a Ramaswamy. Each and every day, he can complaint about things around. But I have never seen him doing it. He works with love. What else can inspire a human life than seeing such a man every morning. May be the true spirit of life lies in between his toothless grin and the innocent smile. 

All in One

 

ഓരോ മനുഷ്യനും ഒരു കൊച്ചുലോകം ആണ്. ലോകത്തിലുള്ളതെല്ലാം അവനില്‍ അടങ്ങിയിട്ടുണ്ട്. മനുഷ്യനും ലോകവും പരസ്പരം ബന്ധിതമാണ്. ലോകം ഏകമായിരിക്കെ മനുഷ്യന് ജാതീയമായ ബഹുത്വം എന്തിനാണ്!! ചട്ടമ്പി സ്വാമികള്‍

This is a story which I scribbled long back here... Re-reading that story at a time when conversations and controversies are going on, regarding caste and creed. 

Past

My name is Guru. I lived in a sea side town. By birth I was conditioned to live in accordance to some rights decided by someone called the upper class. One day I broke the code of conduct, moved out of the den and left behind a girl whom I married. Then pretended myself to be a truth seeker. I landed upon truth one day which said, All in One & One in All.  I spoke about oneness and commonness. Then there came disciples who said, All in One & One in All. They spread it in such a way that every single human who wanted to break the code or who was in the verge of identity extinction ran on to me with fury. With that I became an idol. Then they called me Guru. I told them hundred verses to attain salvation. Then much more verses to attain happiness.

Finally one day I fell down from the vanity tree of worship. Bedridden, I laid for months and years. I treated myself, then came the doctors. They sold my diseases and made money. I jumped out of the bed, shouted aloud, All in One & One in All. None heard. I died after few days. Then there were stories about the light that zoomed out of my body. Some said, they saw me in the bus while traveling, some other claimed that I was on a coconut tree. But I was dead and on my search for a next body and place. I need to relive a better and happier life.

Present

I was reborn as a coconut tree. I am happy. I am taller than all these disciples. Most of them don't climb on my head. But still they made money out of me. They placed the board All in one & One in All in my wooden skin.

One day I saw some one placing an idol behind me. O that was me, the Guru. Then they left. My poor idol sat in rains and sun. Birds came and shit on its head. I tried shoo- shooing them. None heard. One day I fell down in the winds and I saw the broken head of the idol just under me. Oh! I couldn't bear myself. Thus I was dead again with all the coconut bunches that hung on me.

Future

I was not sure about the future. Now I have lived as Guru and coconut tree. Then I was reborn as a dog. Wherever I went, I saw my idol under a coconut tree, inside a glass cube. Under that they wrote, All in One & One in All. Then there were people to celebrate my teachings. They gathered once or twice in a year.

They were all of the same class and caste. The extinct, furious class whom in need of an out break came in branded dresses, shouted slogans aloud and forgot my hundred teachings to salvation. I barked at them. None heard. So I sat near the idol under the coconut tree and said at heart, All in None & None in All!!

Why are you asking me!

“Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spend the rest of the day putting the pieces together.  NOW IT"S YOUR TURN. JUMP”
― Ray Bradbury

"What are you doing now?"

In the past four years, this is the most heard question. If I am there for a marriage, a birthday party, a retirement party, or at any place where few of my so called, "relatives and family friends" gather, the only question I hear is this. I may be drinking water or talking to my not so needed relative or sometimes enjoying a cup of payasam. Many a times, I wished to say, "Can't you see? I am drinking a glass of water." Or sometimes, "No, am doing nothing." But as a part of the respect or a sort of fun I had in answering them, I said, "I am doing a PG, or I am doing some freelance jobs". No. The social codes are not constructed for those who work as freelance. 

In social codes, freelance = jobless! So each time they meet me, they repeated! 

Now I have thought several times about the purpose behind this question. Are they job donors? No. Will they sacrifice a meal for me? No. Do they owe me a future in some way? No. Then why this question? Man is constructed that way! Whats and why's are a part of it. Today I happened to be in one such place. Mostly I wish to avoid these parties! I know that they won't bring any happiness to me. So i just avoid. But accidentally today I was forced to be there. Even before someone thought of asking me, I replied, "No I am not doing anything!" 

How do you survive? Came the next question. I smiled and left the place. Should I answer? I mean do I have to? To all those punk heads who wanted to know what am I or what I will be, here goes the answer.

I was born here some 25 years back without knowing that some of you may ask such unnecessary questions to me. Then, I was much innocent(!) Now don't ask me what you mean by innocent! I meant what you mean! 

From then till here, my life was never as planned like yours. I went on doing some crap, as you may call now, lived my life in full spirit and enjoyed each full moon and rains! 

I have never asked you that same question, what are you doing now! I will never ask you. 

In my life, its me and me alone who decides how to live, how to earn or how to "SURVIVE"! If you have more questions, please keep it to yourself. Self introspection, once in a while is good. So go, do it.

Like you have seen me all these years, I have seen you too. We have met more than I have met a stranger. But still your question is so strange.

I believe you are normal and not an Alzheimer's patient. So please remember what I said last time!

I would like to thank you for the "concerns" you have on me as the "only girl" of my parents.

I am what I am! I will be what I want to be!

If you have still more concerns, please wait. I am no Nostradamus to predict my future and i live in a state where people are killed like chickens! SO PLEASE SPARE ME! 

I know this may annoy all such "well-wishers". But I am helpless. I am fed up answering your questions! Now please SHUT UP & SLEEP TIGHT!

If at all I am doing something, which need your help and blessings, I will send an invite. 

Please wait till then...

If again you ask me the same, my answer will be, FCUK OFF!

Aum

Anjana

Here Comes June!

June June Go away

Come Again Another Day

Little Johnny wants to play

June June Go Away

June is a month which each of us here in Kerala would remember for the scent and smell of new things. The new bags, shoes, uniforms, umbrella and the rains that come down on the very first day! No worries! We all get into that open gates to greet our last year friends, find our classes, meet new teachers and much more. The class is shuffled and our best friend may not be with us. The verandahs, the benches, desks, chalk pieces, dusters, black boards, the never ending assembly, youth festivals etc etc. Its a month of rains and I have memories of a stinking shoe and socks. Yeah! we had a tie in our uniform till some of us called it "Dog Chain". 



Its June my dears, the month of rains, new bags, new friends, new umbrella, new days and all new life for the younger ones! As the clock tics into another academic year I see the smallest and biggest of my next generation zooming their goggles into those pretty bags, umbrellas etc. For me, the first day of school was memorable and adventurous. Not because, I was a naughty kid. I had a fall. One like Humpty and Dumpty! I and Amma got ready for the first day. I was so happy, says Amma. With the new bag, shoes, uniform, water bottle and umbrella, we both, Amma and me got down to school.

In those days, our house was in a midway. A cycle can go. A man can go. All of us who lived in the way can go. But not an auto. So we took the short cut to the main road. There was a stone on the side where the short cut take a turn to the road. "Padhom" there, I go down with the umbrella, new uniform and all my new things! As I woke up, a small piece of my teeth in the front row, lay smiling on the stone. Hands were hurt. So with a broken teeth and a hurt lips, I returned home.

A cycle that came behind hit me and I had a fall! From then on my journeys to school was in an auto for a few years and then in the school bus. When this June gears up to welcome all the sweet hearts back to school, I wish all of them the very best. May you all raise as men and women with heart and hand. May your life be filled with light and soul! Happy School Days ahead!

Aum
Anjana

Turning 25!

"You are turning 25". As one of my friends said, I smiled. How fast, I mean how easy the days have gone. While I look back at the past quarter of life, I see the different roles I donned. They stay apart and I wonder how a man perceives the roles offered in life without any objections. From a child who chants Geetha to a spiritual speaker to a psychology student to a Sales Personnel to HR Manager to Jobless girl to Freelance Writer.. Life was different indeed ! In school days I liked my teachers and being approached for advices. So I had an immense desire to be a teacher. Later in high school classes I saw some of crime thrillers and I wanted to learn Forensic Science. In between came some books as a token of love from my dearest Muthassan aka Guru Nitya Chaitanya Yati. These books pushed me into the art of mind, psychiatry. In the plus two classes I had to dissect a cockroach and the smell of the dead, made me feel "Yuck! I can't do this again". With this I migrated myself into a more comfortable zone called Applied Psychology.  

After the graduation classes, as soon as i joined in the sales front there was a keen interest in management which led me to an MBA course. I learned the whole course my own. Thanks to internet! Today when I am enrolled for a post-graduation in Applied Psychology, I know life has in store something interesting for me. 

What all do the society expect from a twenty five year old girl? A professional degree! A 'standard' job! Marriage! These are just few. It may vary for many. I still remember the day I decided to resign my job. As usual I went to my office. While climbing the stairs, I thought, why should I do this every single day? Why do i see the same stairs, same old building, same board, same colleagues and managers? I know I am bored, then why do I continue? It was at this same instance I decided to type a resignation letter to my boss. It may have surprised some, but most of them were sure that I won't stick on! No I can't. I was bored doing the same thing everyday!

From that May 2009 till here, it was interesting. It was adventurous. With no salary at the month end, all I have to do is wait.. wait..wait and wait for the money of my writing assignments. Money was less, but the happiness I earned was priceless. It was then I realized my real career. It has been a few months since I started to work on my book. Life looks clean and happy these days. More hope ponder around. More sweetness shred on me. I don't have daily reports in my mail. No appraisal. No salary hike. Indeed this happiness is inexplicably great. As I cut my birthday cake, i don't expect any of them to smear it on my face.  Yet, it tastes the sweetest! Happy birthday to me I say and eat my slice of cake with all smiles!

Thank you my world! Thank you for all the smiles!
Aum
Anjana